Re-Post: 2010 in Review – #1 One Word

It’s that time of year when I start reflecting on the last 12 months and charting my course for the year ahead.  This year I’m joining the folks at reverb for a different kind of year-end review.

Each day for the next month I’m going to follow the prompts on the reverb site and reflect on where I’ve been in 2010 and where I’d like to be in 2011.  I can’t promise that these will be polished, but they will be honest.

And so it begins…

#1 – One Word. Encapsulate the year 2010 in one word. Explain why you’re choosing that word. Now, imagine it’s one year from today, what would you like the word to be that captures 2011 for you? (Author: Gwen Bell)

My word for 2010: Character

If you spent as much time as a kid reading Calvin and Hobbes as I did, you’ll remember that anytime Calvin had to do something he didn’t want to do, his dad would tell him that it built character.  If he’s right (and I think he is), then I’ve got character coming out of my ears as a result of this year.  After starting a stressful new job, a big break up, going underwater on my mortgage, a bout of depression, and a complete 180-degree turn with respect to how I envision my future, I’m better off on this side of 2010, than I was when it began, but it was a PAINFUL process to get here.  I spent more days than I’d like to remember in 2010 trying to make it through the day without crying.  I finally realized that I am a very unique square peg when it comes to my artistic endeavors  and I cannot be stuffed into a round hole shaped like anyone else.  To be honest, I don’t even remember why I thought I wanted to be a round peg anyway – square holes are where it’s at.  Which brings me to the words I’d like to encompass in 2011…

My words for 2011: Freedom and Self-Acceptance

Some of my past choices limited me this year and I often felt trapped by my own decisions.  Which is really annoying because I had to point the finger at myself.  A lot.  My (underwater) mortgage takes a sizable chunk of my paycheck each month, I started a demanding new job, student loans, some credit card debt, and I’m living in a condo that won’t accept dogs (and I desperately want a puppy).  All of these often left me feeling trapped and immobile.  In early 2011, I will be free of my student debt and much of my credit card debt and I hope this sets the stage for additional weight to be taken off my shoulders.I also realized this year that my dad’s absence in my life has crippled parts of my self-esteem that I never even knew existed.  The extreme perfectionism I have fallen into this year is largely due to shame associated with my dad leaving and thinking I wasn’t good enough for him to stay.  In my head I believe I’m good enough, but my heart…. ahh, that’s where it hurts.  I thought I was over this years ago, and I know it’s irrational, but it’s still real.  I want this piece of me back and I’m going to find it in 2011.

I hope this isn’t coming across as a downer.  I’m on my way back up from the trenches and I’m finally reaping the wisdom and perspective from the past 12 months of my own personal emotional boot camp.  All of that learning is preparing me well for the year(s) ahead.  My 2011’s so bright, I gotta wear shades, ya’ll.

Let the countdown begin!